Misadventures of Lollie and Me: They say it's your birthday.

A Happy Birthday is in order. But we will call it more of an ode to the women who birthed my sister and me.

From left to Right: Tiffany Lauren and Tristan Lynn

Tris and Tiff

I guess I should write something nice for my mother’s birthday. But, if I did she would probably fall over dead. And since we need her around for a little while longer I have decided to go with my same old banter…

Once we forgot Shelly’s birthday. And oh did she ever give us hell for it! She kept quite the entire day and into the night waiting and waiting, maybe she thought we were going to surprise her? And when nothing was mentioned she stopped halfway up the stairs and screamed “You forgot my birthday!?!?!” which caused me and my sister to look at each other and go into a laughing frenzy. Shelly stomped the rest of the way up the stairs and locked herself in her room for the rest of the night. Our Dad called us bitches (we usually are), shoved some cash in our hands and sent us to the store to buy a cake and candles but it was a lost cause, there was no salvaging her day after that one. She still after many years has not let us live it down. “I’m scarred for life” is her recollection of that year’s lack of celebration. Oops.

I can remember an inestimable amount of times she locked herself in her room when we were kids. I like to think of me and Tristan as a tag team instead of sisters. We didn’t fight with each other often growing up but what we would do is team up against our parents. 99.99% of the time Shelly was our prime target, we would wear her down until she had enough and once we got the rise out of her she would stomp up the stairs and lock herself away from us in self defense. Victory was sweet! Now that we are adults we have incorporated new tactics to torture our parentals. She no longer locks herself in her room, I am never home and my sister lives 5000 miles away. Three-way comes in handy and she now just hangs up on our asses.

Mother/daughter bouffant

Did your parents ever tell you things like “I have had it up to HERE with you Tiffany Lauren!”? With emphasis on the HERE! And then point with four fingers scrunched together somewhere near their head? Well, I think our mom must have invented it. We knew when we really got her going, she would use her coined phrase but the four finger pointer was up high above her head. I wish she would still do that. Hey Mailee, any chance you want to play a game called Mama Shelly’s “had it” level???

Shelly isn’t what you would consider a wild child. But in her old age it is safe to say she has been the life of the party. One New Years Eve we came home to find her on the couch with a cowgirl hat on and in front of her was her own personal platter of Jell-O shots. She was watching some hick comedy tour, fist pumping the air and screaming WHOOOOOHHHHHOOOO!!! This was her first time inebriated and needless to say she didn’t leave the bathroom floor that night. She must have learned a lesson I have yet to be taught because she hasn’t seen that floor so close up since. This new found wild side of our Mother’s also decided she was going to get a tattoo two years ago. Tristan and I told her not to but she didn’t listen. She got this little number in Vegas with a pastor’s wife…

At this point you probably feel bad for Shelly. Well, don’t. She deserves all the teasing she receives from us two. Although my sister is much less brutal than myself I think that maybe due to the fact she has blocked out most of our childhood. She blames it on the epidural and says she can’t remember anything before Miles was born.

Tristan how can you forget! This is why!!! I know it’s painful but it is things like this that make you question if Mom ever loved us?

Splash splash splash!